School's over. Softball's over. T-ball's over. The pursuit to plant a church in Yuba City continues. It's a lot of hard work. You question yourself. You question God. You question your questions. You look to the left. You look to the right. What do you see? Same thing day after day. Seems like the only time I see something different is when I look up or when I close my eyes.
I pray for friendships I have yet to encounter. I pray for people I have yet to meet. I pray for those that would come alongside us. All I see are people.
I pray for the Christian. I pray for the unbeliever. I pray for people seeking something more than religion.
However, there is something deep inside that I don't want to admit. Something that I must die to and surrender to God: What if I can't teach "the people". What if "the people" are too much for me? What if I'm not the right guy? What if I fail in planting this church?
Fear...It can kill movement. It can freeze production. It will make you ineffective. It causes you to focus on yourself instead of on God. I've come to the realization that I am not "the man". Failure to plant this church is a strong possibility. The statistics are against me. At the same time, failure is a powerful learning tool. What people say about me don't make me who I am (not that anyone is saying anything about me (I mean besides Satan)). I am who I am only because of God's pruning. (and there's a whole lot more pruning to come)
Failure...I've tasted it. Fear...I've been cloaked in it. Death...I have experienced it...and been made alive again in Christ.
2 Timothy 1:5-9: I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also. For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, who has saved us and called us to a holy life--not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace.
I've got to believe God has a purpose for me, my family, Yuba City, and His Kingdom, and it all comes down to His grace.
Jesse
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